The Aftermath
Published on Apr 3rd, 2008 by Adam in Adam's Blog with 33 Comments »
Well, everything is beginning to sink in just a little deeper for me. The battle begins Friday or Monday, pending on my doctor’s appointment on Friday morning. The location is hopefully near my house. I talked it over with my family, and if the odds are not too much better in Indianapolis, I am going to stay here. I like fighting near home, and I am dreading plain trips after chemo, as well as not being close to my family.
The realization of the whole process is also kind of starting to worry me. I am anxious to just get through the first round, that first week, so I know exactly the beast that I am dealing with. As I said before, I like to know. Certainly, this sounds like hell. I have heard tons of horror stories, and I hate the thought of being a human pin cushion. That said, I think I have, through wrestling, surgeries, car wrecks now, ect. experienced as much or more pain as most. I hope that my toughness is able to show me through.
I have been told that I have touched so many, and have been inspirational, but it is you all who inspire me. In all honesty and sincerity, having such a following of people who care and are cheering for me makes me want to fight this harder. It motivates me both with my cancer and to be the best possible person I can be every day. I remember Gene Mills saying that if you are not the best possible person you can be, no one will care how good of a wrestler you are. I truly believe that and I try to live my life being the best person I can be.
At times I do look and wonder why me? Why did I get some disease that I have taken every method through healthy living to prevent? My only logical response is that the good Lord is using me to reach out to more people than I could have before. I like thinking that this gives me a purpose, and with more pondering and thinking it is becoming more clear. I hope to bring a breathe of fresh air, an inspiration, a motivation, and maybe even the lift someone may need who is doubting their own strength in this battle. I never had walked into a more bright and sunny building that had, juxtaposed, such a feeling of dread than the cancer center. Maybe I can help lighten that up a little bit.
It seemed that even during my short doctor’s visit, the nurses, staff and patients were excited to maybe see a smiling face, hear a joke, and have some joy brought into an otherwise dreadful job. I hope I can just keep the inner strength and attitude to keep that going. They say that happiness is contagious. I hope I can infect the entire place.
Again, my deepest gratitudes are with you all who are behind me. I read every post, every email, and I try to reply to as many as I can. I appreciate the donations, the cards, the whole bit. Every time I feel doubt, or in the future when I feel weak, I know I have a large group or prayer warriors and people supporting me through this battle. No matter how tough it may be, I will do all in my power to win. I would rather this gun be aimed at me than someone else, because I know deep down that I can take it. I know deep in my heart that it will not win, and I will not succumb.
Well, thank you for listening to my little rant. There was not much that went on in my day much other than feeling achy and taking the dogs to the dog park-which is hysterical because they both think they run the place. Goodnight, God Bless, and I will be up and writing before my big appointment tomorrow night.
Your Friend,
Adam Frey
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
2 Timothy 1:7
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good luck tomorrow hun…and it sounds great.
Please keep me posted on whether you decide to go to Indiana or not. If that is the case, I think it’s about 3 hours from Chicago so once I move there this summer I will come and visit you!
Good luck
Hey, Adam,
Psalm 18: 30-36
As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn over.
Keep your chin up,
Jess
Adam,
We continue to pray and think of you every day. I know you will beat this. Keep your spirt high and focus on the positive like you have been, God will see you through this. We will continue prayer daily for you we love ya man. Take care
Boda
Dear Adam,
I have this taped to my computer and I read it every day. I hope that you find some comfort in it.
May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are ment to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received,and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing that you are a child of God. Let God’s presence settle into your bones,and allow your soul the freedom to sing,dance,praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
I believe it was Dan Gable who said something along the lines of “After you’ve wrestled everything else in life is easy”. Obviously this is not an easy battle you are fighting, but I do know that training many years in the greatest most grueling sport there is has prepared you. In your post you refer to cancer as “the beast”, you are the beast my friend, you will win this fight.
God Bless
J
Adam:
I echo J’s comments that, as a wrestler, you have a physical and mental advantage over most people facing something like this. It’s never easy, and your battle will often be more difficult on those that love you to deal with than you.
It’s natural to ask “why me?” but that isn’t a question that anyone but God can answer. My family has suffered more than our share from cancer, but I believe that their sacrifices paved the way to a cure for you and others.
Again, you are in our prayers. Stay strong.
Steve
I was going through a really bad time once and I was questioning God Why? and the answer came through the Religious Director at my church. She said “Sometimes you have to go through a Good Friday to get to Easter Sunday” Keep them smiling!! We’ll still praying for you every day.
When my wife was diagnosed with a brain tumor, I took great comfort in this song.
There might be some one in this crowd
Who’s right down in it right now
Who’s deep in the depths
Of the dark of hardship
Someone who’ll make it somehow
Through times when you
Got to be your own hero
Those times when it’s fallin’ on you
Those times when there’s
No one but God to call on
Those times when you barely get through
-Steve Forbert, ‘Your Own Hero;
Adam,
Adam,
My Dad passed away a few years ago at the age of 89 and he had the great gift of humor that he loved to share with everyone, including complete strangers. He had lots of medical problems the last 5 years of his life, including a number of trips to the hospital. He had a habit of making strangers, doctors and nurses laugh, no matter how he felt.
You are on the right track. Humor works and makes a difficult situation more bearable for everyone.
One time I was bringing him to see a doctor because he was having difficulty with circulation in his legs and could barely walk. We get into an crowded elevator and everyone is uncomfortably quiet as always. The door closes and my father says,”Well, I guess you’re all wondering why I called this meeting.” Everyone laughed and I was admiring the fact that this old man could bring a moment of joy to those people, if only for a few seconds.
I know the wait and the boredom is making this whole ordeal tougher, but it will soon pass. I look forward to following your progress. Keep the faith.
Rob Davidson
Adam,
My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time. It may be a blessing that you have caught this early. My father was treated for Cancer early and survived 21 years being cancer free. I remember the days waiting for him after radiation treatments. He was tired, but had the resolve to overcome his disease and did. Wrestlers have inner strength that is deeper than any humans on earth. This strength will help you to win the battle you will fight. Have faith that the lord will be at your side during this trying time… and that you will perservere.
My thoughts are with you everyday. I have reach out to many who continue to pray for a healthy and speedy recovery. It will be good to see you this weekend.
Adam,
I am a TOTAL Iowa Hawkeye fan and sometimes get carried away with thinking that there is not anything other than having the Hawks win all ten NCAA Gold medals and then something like this wakes you up and makes you realize what the really important things are. I went to Cornell camp as a coach the year between your redshrirt and freshman years and appreciated your competitive spirit when you were coaching a dual team. You have what it takes to win this and the wrestling world (family) is behind you as you can see.
Adam, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Your attitude and mental toughness are an inspiration to all and I know you will battle through this as you would anything else. God Bless.
I have been following your website and am truly amazed at your strength and courage. Being the mother of 4 children, one who is your age, well, what can I say, I just cannot imagine. I do not know you, but I know who you are. You are a wrestler. You have been taught discipline, how to stay focused, stamina, strength, to keep on going until that whistle blows, not to dwell on what could have been but on how to learn and change, to face each and every opponent, obstacle, 100% with no regrets afterwards. You definitely have all the tools to overcome anything. By reading your posts, you really have it all together. You have the right mindset and outlook for the road ahead of you. I truly believe that your wrestling background has prepared you for this; and I am sure a loving family also. How proud your family must be of you. I wish you the best of luck in facing probably the toughest, as you said, “beast”, that hopefully you will ever come across. I will continue to follow your website and hope and pray for only good news.
Put everything in God’s hands. He will not let you down. Someone once asked me how I could be so “normal” and happy about things with my husband’s illness. I always said that it could be worse. Good luck and everyone in Georgia are praying for you. Remember, you’re a warrior!
Adam,
You’ve seen several references to Joey Ackermann in peoples’ posts. Joey, a former HS wrestler in MD, suffered burns over 85% of his body last summer from a freak lawnmower accident and from the beginning wasn’t expected to survive. His treatment involved dozens of operations. Beginning each one, the doctors gave little to no chance of survival. They were consistently amazed that he made it through procedure after procedure. Infections set in and each time the doctors gave the family little hope of success. Joey fought and survived dozens of these situations displaying enormous courage. The doctors and family attributed his fight to the strength he gained from wrestling. The Md wrestling community rallied behind Joey. His incident brought people together from various walks of life. People prayed who never before found the value of prayer. The wrestling community throughout the country offered their prayers as they’re now doing for you. In the end, Joey lost the final battle, but the good that came from the horrible incident gave meaning and offered the family great comfort. The way you fight your battle will also amaze those offering you treatment. We all know your tremendous ability to fight. The Md wrestling community is aware of your situation as is the rest of the country and our wrestling families are sure you’ll show the tremendous courage that’s within you. All of our thoughts and prayers are with you. Back on the mat soon!!!!
(if interested in reading Joey’s story see his blog at http://www.joeyackermann.com)
Hey man, I got linked to this oage by a friend, I wish you the best of luck. My cousin had stomach cancer after his junior season at a D3 school, took a redshirt year and came back to get ranked in the top 8 for the first time in his career his senior season. If he can do it, you can too. Keep your faith
Hi Adam,
I don’t know you and to be honest I’ve had never even heard of you until now. My husband, Kyle, was an All-American for Cornell so he gets Cornell wrestling updates. That is how I found out about your recent news. Anyway, I was so touched that I felt like I just had to write. You are amazing! Sometimes the initial blow is the hardest to take and you have responded with such strength and courage. I’m proud of you! Also, I could not help but thank God that the doctors found the cancer. Your wreck was actually a blessing. Now that you know, you can fight it. We will be praying for you. God is a good God who loves you dearly. He is the GREAT Physician and in Him all things are possible. You are right in the fact that He has put you in a position to reach many, many people. You are an inspiration and a hero! Lord Jesus, bless Adam. Touch him in a special, powerful way right now. Give him peace and courage as he faces this scary time. Encourage him and help him to know you are with him. Use the medicine and the doctors to cleanse his body from this cancer forever. Draw Adam close during this time and use this hardship to be glorified in Adam’s life. Bless him, Lord. He is your child. Bless him. In Jesus’ Name, Amen
Good luck tomorrow, man. Your posts have truly been touching.
– I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.
Good luck at your appointment tomorrow, buddy. We’ll be thinking of you in New York.
it is unfortunate that you have a new mat to fight on, one that is more insidious, more ellusive, and more malevolent. However, your past years have taught you how to prepare, how to sacrifice, and how to visualize victory. God bless, and i hope your strength carrys you to victory again, and u realize that no matter the mat that we fight on, it is the same process that we use to succeed.
sincerely,
wrestling compadre
Adam,
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult battle. We may not know you personally, but through wrestling we have seen the strength and will you have. There are so many of us out there that know you’ll get through this… and we’re glad to see that you’re thinking positively as well. You’re a great role model and an amazing wrestler.
Good Luck
Beth, Maria, and Sam
Adam,
We are praying that you will stay strong and battle. I am a high school coach and I love telling my kids about you at Senior Nationals. You were so intense before your match, you were screaming for your coach to tell him “YOU WERE READY” If I recall you went out there and pinned the kid in like 20 seconds.
Please continue to fight as you are an inspiration to us all!!!!!!!
nick
~Atl GA
Adam,
Your opponent has just pig tailed into you and has no chance. You will win this tournament, take home the braket board, metal and thousands of fans. I read your blog every evening. Thanks for shaing so much with us. God bless to you and your family.
Steve Theil
Crystal lake, Il.
Dear Adam,
The entire Minisink Valley Wrestling community would like to wish you a speedy recovery. Your training and your faith will carry you through this. God bless.
The Minisink Valley Wrestling Family
All of Section 5 (Rochester) is pulling for you. Stay strong, as we know you will.
the McQuaid Jesuit Wrestling Family
Adam,
I am praying that your positivity continues as you go through this experience. I hope that you continue to find strength and peace in God and grow in Him. I hope that you remember how much love, support, and prayers are being sent your way every day!! Get well soon. God bless you and your family!
Adam.. Its OK to be scared. Please don’t take the horror stories to heart. You are a strong willed person (I know that just from reading your blog each day) and have have an Army of people behind you praying and sending you well wishes. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless!!!
Adam;
I wish you well in your latest battle, this time off the mat, and a speedy recovery. God Bless.
Adam,
The St. Ed’s community is in your corner and praying for you.
Adam,
Let’s get your mind off this and read a book together. You pick it…how about “Mysteries in Pittsburgh?” By Michael Chabon…
Lemme know what you pick and i’ll snag a copy.
You are a strong man. How about that dog in that picture?
Much love,
Wayne